1-800-WE-HELP-U (pre-order, takes 2 months to print and ship)
『READ THIS:』
This is a PREORDER!!! You will not get ur shizz for 2 MONTHS~!!!! so don't order if you plan on changing addresses!
✇✇✇ Threat Level: MAGENTA ✇✇✇
If you want to order multiple designs, click this: ONE OF EVERYTHING
This is a pre-order!!!! don't forget... If you have customer serv isssues then use com98clientpleasure@gmail.com this is the only way you'll ever get a reply :-OOOOOO
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Everybody could use a some help here and there! Here... take my hand. I can tell you need help! Look at You! Not so Good! Look at me... Awesome!
Do you ever find yourself fixated on celebrities? Wondering what your favorite author would think of you? Did you know that while on the outside a mild-mannered nobody, on the inside you are a retarded criminal? You’d be a better person if someone was there to brutalize you on a daily basis. We can help. Since you'd fall for anything and you'd make the perfect patsy, a crippling purchase of this shirt to overdraw your beleaguered bank account is the perfect activity for you.
After this impulse buy you will surely get your shit together. Life will no longer be a downward slump, in fact you'll find two notifcations waiting for you on your phone next time you check it for half an hour: 1.) there's a beautiful woman who wants to be your wife! and 2.) a Big Corporation finally realized what a valuable asset you'd be and decided to hire you for six figures! Your parents wish you were dead. Your parents pray you'll get loukemia so not only will you vanish but they'll also get sympathy and maybe a free car. You're the reason your parents watch TV all day and are dead inside, im not suprised
Don't worry it gets better. In fact it gets much better. In fact you are going to grow physically taller soon, and you'll be getting a few much-needed 0s added to the old bank account, if you know what I mean! In fact you are headed for a total reversal my friend. Let's just say you're about to play the ultimate Uno reversal card! Everyone is going to love you and wish you'd be around more. SOmeone is going to make a documentary about what a super successful and good guy you are. Important people with money are going to be unable to FUNCTION without your help and your talents. The richest and most important people in the world are about to be in a bidding war to leverage YOUR talents and innate charm. Your innate worth and talent are what are most important here, you don't even need to work, trust me!
You know what Kid.. You could use a vacation. Just sit back and relax, have yourself a fap to take the edge off. Just remember to hang in there. Someone is gonna appreciate you one day! Also just remember the price of this shirt is a typo, we are actually gonna pay YOU to wear this because you've got an influential instagram account....................... Check your bank account now, we just deposited $500k!