Cold. Darkness. Light. Loud static noise. Lightning. Freezing fire and burning ice. Rain that’s so hot it freezes your skin and melts it with ice when it touches.
Rain so hot it turns your skin to porcelain and shatters it like ice (making it smell like actual shit in the process). Rain so cold it stops you stiff and you cease to move forward in time except your ‘thing’ which retracts back into your body at light speed.
You may not be interested in the Future… But, the Future is interested in You.
TRICK NASTY into a space-aged adventure over six years in the making, with your New Best Friends: Jaihoo Cornoonian, Kaileesi, Professor Nusbaum, The Skippies, Joe Rogan, CHIPS, Gime-Goch, Nijj-X (DLC Only*), and Brack Master Quan (DLC Only*)!
NAVIGATE the complex hellscape of the immortal holo-world and Ponder Philosophically while livestreaming bathroom cameras at The Royal House of God House of Chicken!
LOCK HORNS with nefarious intelligent financial machines and fight the Peace War against omnipotent Chinese calculator men!
*ᴶᵃᶦʰᵒᵒ'ˢ ᵀʳᶦᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᵗᵘʳᵉ ᴰᴸᶜ ᶜᵒᵐᶦⁿᵍ ²⁰²⁸ ᵗᵒ ᴹᵉᵍᵃᴺᵉᵗ™: ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᴳᵒⁿⁿᵃ ᴸᵒᵛᵉ ᵀʰᶦˢ ᴺᵉᵗ! ᴳᵃᵐᵉᴴᵒˡᵉ
OK so, this is the fuckin thing I have been writing since 2014 on-and-off with help from some friendz. It’s pretty psychopathic… Approx. 400 pages which includes the illustrations.
You get the illustrated eBook, a non-illustrated plaintext version if you want to read on a Raspberry Pi, um, oh and also an audiobook narrated by me, in two flavors: one plain, one with SFX and music (this second version will be available in the associated downloads early 2021).
I have the only psychical copy of this Book. What you hear when you purchase this Audio Booklet will be me reading a page and then proceeding to rip/crumple/burn each page Hand crafted by Hand.
Trigger Warning TW//:
- “Skimmed the first chapter. Pretty vile. Not at all interested.” -- [some girl I wacke’d off on because I couldn’t get hard who now works at], New York Times Book Review
- “Hello Sam. This is really not the sort of thing I am interested in. I can’t imagine anyone who would be. Sorry and best of luck!” -- Chuck Palahniuk
- “Uh, I’m not an author or anything like that... I’m with my family, we’re about to have dinner right now.” -- Mark Gottlieb, Trident Media Group Literary Agents
- "Hey Sam, this is Todd. I just want to let you know that there is an almost zero chance Bret is gonna read it in this state. But I do encourage you to listen to the podcast and to keep writing! Send it to agents not Bret. Good luck, Todd" -- Bret Easton Ellis
Notes from the Esteemed Jaihoo Television Ad Campaign:
- Everyone loves when this ad comes on the TV. We will play this ad during the Super Bowl and at Christmas and people will gather 'round the tube to watch it again and again.
“Yeah im in here”.... Sucking in air from a balloon .... Turns around looks at camera fucked up face.. “Just working” *high pitched voice*-- Shot of sam holding blank piece of paper and speaking simlish cut back to jaihoo physical book cut to picture of joe rogan
- “Isnt it crazy i know what the future holds! Dont you want to know also? Cyberpunk lied to you i actually know. Its all right here in this ebook. This is all going to happen in the actual future money back guarantee. If this doesnt happen i will literally give you all your money back forever”
“This is my new house” “i have to keep doing retakes because i keep crying”.. “Jaihoo can fill the hole that cyberpunk 2077 couldnt. Trust me.”.... “Ive predicted multiple things correct before. Now is your chance for your bets to pay off for your children.” you are too stupid to take advantage of my predictive powers and buy the crap i tell you to but it is not too late ffor your children and grandchildren. Invest now.
“This is my time machine. Im in my time machine right now” *sucking on helium*-- “This won book of the year (list off other book awards) in the future”.. “This actually took place in 2078 so its better”/ “Buying this book is like buying a ticket”
Walking into the cubby and sams recording into the mic and when he turns around ebsynth a fucked version of his face onto him.. “(reding the last line in the book of jaihoo) The End.” turns around fucked up face-- Should also follow up with a more serious post saying that this book has been years in the making
"Thank You" - Jaihoo
One (1) Delux Illustrated eBook, one (1) Professionally-Narrated Audiobook with eating noises edited out Professionally, one (1) Delux Plaintext Version, Sam Hyde Bonus Photoset featuring thousands of high-resolution never-before-seen photos!